For me it has taken a lot of work to teach my inner child that lasting happiness comes from trying to be the best person I can be. Alcohol rewards me for doing absolutely nothing to better myself. When you give yourself a reward for destroying your life why would you care if you destroy your life? For me each relapse just reinforces the false idea that I don't need to work hard to feel "good". Sorry if this is off but it is how it works for me.