I used to hate being around people, and I have social anxiety problems so it's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to get in my house. When I'm sober and around people I'm a wreck but I want to be immersed in people, I want to feel connected...with anybody, ****, I feel heartbroken like, I don't even know...like I'm devastated by the disconnection. I want to get slaughtered, I wanna ******* drown. I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid tonight.