Originally Posted by
NewDay79 
... I have red the big book.
So, why on earth do I still miss it? Why do I get wistful when I see someone enjoying a glass of wine on TV? Why do I try and convince myself that I can drink normally again? Why do I day dream about how I could hide the fact that I consumed a bottle of wine from my husband?
Sucks.
I read the big book too, like a novel at first. Then I studied the book and began putting its suggestions (the steps) into practice. I followed the directions quite closely and by 90 days the obsession you descibe had been removed.
The tenth step promises come to mind "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.
We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes!
That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off.
Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
These came to me first through the steps, and then has been maintained through sponsoring others. All this has made me very happy to be sober.
Yet you don't seem happy in your sobriety. Maybe you are not getting the rewards I get. Why would that be?