Thanks guys some of you made me smile.
I think I am really extra disappointed because even though I was doing better, I really blew it this month. And then I took a look at what better is for me and it is still pretty awful for the average person.
After 5 or six weeks again, I hope to feel better but I am also doing a benzo taper, which I think comes into play. I plan to stick to meditation even in small amounts daily and exercise even if it's 5 minutes a day. I just have to fight through even if it's a minor daily victory. Like today, I was exhausted and had errands to run- my exercise was one song on X Box "Just Dance" with a very favorite little person of mine. I absolutely stink at it and even though it was only 3 minutes it was still something and got my heart rate up more than laying in bed. And I still did the ten minute meditation.
Thank you for all your support.
I know some of you have been putting up with me for years.