My issues didn't start with alcohol....but they most certainly didn't get better with the addition of it. At least being sober I am not compounding those preexisting problems and I can make progress on revolving them. I can't make any of the things that happened to me in the past disappear but I can take action to peacefully exist with them. I think you need counselling Sleepie. I am not singling you out because I think 99.9% of the population needs it but I think you need to find a way out of this holding pattern you are in.