Jazz, you just summed it up very well. Seems like we are in similar shoes.
I'll just say that I found it a huge relief flying home from my brother's bachelor party after having stayed totally sober. I went back to my hotel both nights around midnight and while maybe I got viewed by some as the "boring younger brother," I wasn't viewed as the drunk idiot.
Similarly, after wedding #2, which was with a ton of friends from college who knew me as a partier, the flight home was incredibly relaxing. Contrast that with a wedding a year ago where I'd blacked out at the reception and woken up on the bathroom floor with my suit jacket ripped. Had to rush to the airport and it felt like an eternity getting back while hungover and nervous about what I'd said/done the night before.. Then I spent $100 on a taxi back from Newark just to make the day shorter and crawled under the covers.
I flew into Newark again after wedding #2, but I'd been awake at 6AM, did a 4-mile jog, watched Wawrinka win the French open, checked out of the hotel, gone to brunch at the groom's uncle's house and drank club soda, arrived at the airport early and watched Game of Thrones on my iPhone on the flight back. Then I took the stupid Newark AirTrain to NJ Transit to the NYC Subway (which took forever) and arrived home feeling fantastic having spent $0 on taxis. I worked out the next morning and went to the office.
When people asked how the wedding was, I replied "great!" and meant it. The wedding a year earlier I had no memory of and was waiting for texts/emails calling me out for being a jerk. Those never came, but it doesn't mean I wasn't a tool. When coworkers asked me if I had fun, I said "yes," but it wasn't truthful. I was riddled with anxiety about what had happened.