Hi Lilly.
I've felt myself in the horrible put you describe.
Today I am clean and sober and clear and aware and present and grateful in my sober life.
You can be there too, and you've taken the right steps - read the book. Keep posting here. Get to some meetings. See a doctor, book with a counselor, make some changes in your lifestyle to support and embrace sobriety. I know it feels daunting, maybe even impossible - but it's entirely possible, and it's wonderful.
You will find yourself joyous, happy, grateful and free.... Stick with it!