Scared, I do understand how you feel. I lost count of the number of times I relapsed. Only one SR member gave me a difficult time because of the fact that I wanted to stay with my original thread. I was devastated when she gave me a hard time about that. I've never been part of the "in" crowd and that left me feeling more left out. Fortunately I didn't give up on posting here! I had to get totally real and 100% committed to becoming and staying sober, no matter what it took. It wasn't easy but it is soooo worth it. In the past 10 months I've had one slip that was not my typical drink-a-thon and lasted one week. I feel so much better about myself and life is worth living now! You can do this!