Thanks, truly, for understanding guys. I am kinda shaky today, but mostly because I am just so full of shame and anxiety. I don't know what else to say.
I feel like I am letting down myself, my wife, and my parents. on the flip side, when I am CONTROLLED drinking these past 6 months or so, those were some of the best times I have had with my wife again.
So confusing and difficult. I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but this stinks.