Hi everyone, feeling slightly better today, went to doctors and he checked blood pressure etc, back home now feeling angry that I blew 3months of sobriety, feel your frustration mcfearless, unfortunately it seems our brains forget very quickly how bad it can get, when I felt so stressed out that hot sunny sunday, and I was in an AA meeting with the background noise of the local carnival outside my head told me- that's the answer, that will get rid of this fear and anxiety- my head had images of sitting at the bar with a cold one and it didn't go beyond that...
Sadly for me when I turn that tap on it just keeps running until Im either too ill to continue or have ran out of money, and it took me 6weeks full of blackouts, shame and in the end my collapse to turn the tap off.
I suffer from the- it wasn't THAT bad trade of thoughts after a month or two sober, I REALLY tried in those 3months and dedicated myself to AA meeting, therapy and posting here, but during the last 2weeks or so my head started to dismantle AA and the people in it, started resenting the 'suggestions' my sponsor was telling me, started thinking yeah Im off the booze but ive still got life problems- where's my reward for being sober?
Id forgotten where Id come from again and felt like I couldn't cope with life. And that good old buddy alcohol would help me feel better. It didn't and it nearly killed me....