Lucy Loo - I am you too. Tiredofme has just hit the nail on the head - we can't 'unlearn ' this behaviour.
Sorry you slipped up and I can fully imagine all the regret and self-loathing
Don't beat yourself up - the slow train crash is inevitable after that first drink. It was a mistake and you know it and you have come here for help.
So its done and you are here now amongst friends.
Keep posting
