Thanks everyone.
In terms of AH...we had a session yesterday where I agreed to get out of his way. His specialist doesn't see that he has relapsed - yet, but that he may, but no one is every going to know what he does with his drinking if I don't get out of the way. At the moment I am working so hard to keep the status quo, thinking I can keep everything together - that I am not letting things develop as they will anyway. I'm just slowing down the process.
So the challenge for me is to truly get out of AH's way. And make my decisions.
I am going to try my absolute hardest to do this. That's my promise to myself.