Feel like I can't take it any more.
At some moments sky clears up for a little bit, but then it's all gloomy again.
I had a major breakdown this weekend, spending days in bed and feeling numb to life.
I looked at my stash of quite strong painkillers at my fridge, and thought it would be so good to fall asleep and never wake up again. And I am not afraid.
It's sad that it's not joy of life and future goals made me stop, but unfulfilled obligations to other people - like "why my escape from life should be their problem?".
It's truly sad.
Still sober though - passed 2 years and 8 months on June 14. Even 3 months sugar free on June 16. Neither of these appeals to me any longer even when desire to live equals zero. And I know none of the above will bring joy or life to me - nothing but more misery.