Jarp,
So sorry to hear about this...I have been in your shoes before...my ex was BPD and an alcoholic (and gambled)...it was a mess...I had a stressful job at that time..he hardly worked...two kids...I like what Fire wrote...put on your oxygen mask first..you must take care of you and your kids. Start making plans for another way...once you start the ball rolling it gets easier. if he is a BPD then please, please read about this as much as you can online, get books...talk to a therapist. If he is ever going to try to get healthier it takes A LOT of work ...and from what I have read and in my situation, they do not want the help or think they do not need it...and then the drinking on top of that...it is just a mess. But you do not have to go down with him..you can make changes for you and your kids...hugs