Just how responsible are they, again?
Whenever I express anger with one or more of the addicts in my life, someone will remind me that addiction is an disease, and we shouldn't get mad at people for being sick. It's not his fault he's a violent alcoholic, it's not her fault she's a heroin addict, etc.
But in the same breath, they'll say it's not an excuse and they're responsible for their own actions.
How to reconcile these? Either they're responsible for their actions or they aren't. If they're responsible for their actions, then why does it matter that they have a disease? Or, if their disease means they have no control over their actions, then how is that NOT an excuse for their actions?
It seems to me like the same people will say "they're responsible" whenever we're talking about what the addict can do to change, and "they're not responsible" whenever they want to shut me up because I'm too angry!
So which is it? Are they responsible for their actions, or not? Am I justified in getting angry at the addict who beats up my mom or steals my girlfriend's car, or is it something that they have no control over? Because I'm getting contradictory answers.