Lots of ((((hugs))) Lots and lots! Miss you here.
We all get stuck Jarp. Sometimes I think the obsessive thinking of how stuck we are becomes the focus and we avoid our reality. "I can't" becomes a mantra.
Couple of things here - please remind me of your boundary with relapse. I seem to recall you have laid down the line before that drinking = separation.
Secondly, leaving your children with an active alcoholic YOU KNOW this is a really bad idea. I know that his care taking is helping you, but I also know that he was put out of the house once for several months. What did you do about the kids then?
The alcoholic in your life is adding to your stress not taking away from it by helping with your children. He has told you straight up what he wants to do and while you may have been successful in stopping it for a night or two you know you can't stop it forever.
Lets work on a plan.