WOW!!
Thank you everyone for responding. This was so helpful, you have no idea. The more knowledgeable I get, I find I have more compassion (instead of anger). I never believed him when he told me that, but now I can understand how. As when I drank a ton, and was hung over it hurt like hell!! I am not an A and can never truly understand what you are going through.
Soberwolf, I have spent many of hours in alanon meetings, 2 to 4 meetings a week, over the last couple of years. Divorcing my AH after 34 years was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did with the support of Alanon, open AA meetings and SR. But, there are somethings in the meetings that aren't discussed. I am grateful that I have friends in all forums of SR to reach out to for these type of questions. Hugs my friend!!!!!