mns1

But I came out on top!

I am 11 days in after slipping back for a couple weeks, and last night the AV was really hounding me. If I make it through this summer (and beyond of course), it will be the first summer I've made it throught without alchohol being a part of anything since I was probably 18 (now 28). And it is going to give me a run for my money, no doubt.

But last night I realized how my mindfulness practice and visualization techniques I've learned in counseling can really come in handy when it comes to silencing urges.

At one point it got really bad, I came on here for a bit. But it was still whispering in my ear like some manipulative seductress. So finally I just stopped and thought about the next morning (now). I visualized waking up, the sound of my fan, rays of morning sun piercing through my blinds, and having a headache, and that feeling that I still cannot put into words. You guys know what I mean, that "I feel like death" feeling. I imagined standing up and the headache starting to pound. I imagined how I wouldn't feel like doing my morning workout, how I wouldn't feel like doing anything. I imagined the immediate feeling of regret and self-loathing. I could almost feel it, as if my consciousness briefly traveled forward in time.

And I wanted no part of it.

And just like that, I became stronger. The impulse to grab a drink didn't leave right away, but my ability to ignore it grew immensely.

And here I am. Day 11. Victorious!