I have nothing left to give
Does it come down to a dirty shirt?
AH did 90 days and got his chip, and then felt a letdown which started him drinking again. So he's been kind of on-again-off-again.
As an aside, today I got a phone from alcoholic brother, who had a brief relapse and is now back on the wagon, but someone stole $300 and so he has no more money until the 3rd of July when he gets his SSI so he asked me for $100.
We are very lucky to see our grandson tomorrow, because DDIL is adamant about boundaries related to AHs drinking. So we've been sprucing up the house, and AH has been mowing and trimming and repairing, etc. etc. I bought DGS a little sprinkler pool.
Then I noticed the shirt. Last month we attended a mini-college reunion at a friend's house in FL. AH had NOTHING to wear because his personal hygiene has been poor. I went to Marshall's one day to buy myself some shoes, and I saw a couple of shirts that would be nice for him and so I bought them.
Today, sitting and talking to him I realized he was wearing the brand new shirt. There was lawn mower grease, dirt, and sweat all over it. I don't know why, but I just popped. He has probably about 30 really badly worn shirts in his closet and he wore the shirt I bought him (despite incredible debt) and he ruined it.
It just seemed SO emblematic of the whole relationship. I brought it up to him and he apologized, and he said it wasn't like that.. but I can't get over it. Between my brother begging me for $100 and my AH ruining a brand new shirt that I bought him, I am just feeling that I am at my absolute limit.
I need Cheryl Richardson, or anyone else that can hammer into my head the concept of self-care.