Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
BUT I CAN'T WALK AWAY
yeah you can. you just aren't ready or willing to do that yet.
you still hold onto this belief that HE will make you OK.
YOU make you ok. figure out how to do that. it is life changing when we no longer look to or depend on others to be ok. people in general are so flaky......
That couldn't be more true and that is something I'm trying really hard to work on. The therapy is helping, but I just haven't been going long enough to see many results. I spend the majority of my time alone as it is, so I guess that helps me get used to it.
I'm just so frustrated with myself because I SHOULD be totally ready and willing to walk away, but it's so hard to do when I know that doing so will break my own heart. It's almost like I'm trying to protect myself in the most messed up way possible.
In addition to everything else, he is now drinking. He was never a huge drinker, but now that it's all he can do, he's just trading in one addiction for another. It's incredibly frustrating to watch because he's facing about 20 years in prison if he violates his deferred judgement/probation.
There are so many red flags here so why is this so hard?