I have dealt with the disappearing for no less than 200 times over a two year span. I just allowed him to come In and out of my life as he wishes. He disappeared for one and half year supposedly in recovery and then came into my life back to the beginning of the cycle. 4 years of ups and downs and eventually I exploded and had an emotional outburst and this last time I stopped hoping and waiting to hear from him again. He found his way back to a former girlfriend. The last disappear. And I chose the end. You are not alone. We all have experienced what you are feeling right now. Addiction is a cycle. It's difficult. Treat yourself well. Hugs