(((Jenny)))
Welcome to SR! Here, you will find the support and loving attitude that you are missing and you need. We all need.
I want to point out an important resource. We have an "Ask the Experts" forum on this message board. Mark Sichel is a social worker who gives his time to SR. Please feel free to post on his forum. He's wonderful, and has really helped me with some stuff this year.
He has written a book, titled,
Healing From Family Rifts; Ten Steps to Finding Peace after Being Cut Off from a Family Member. I am reading it now. And it's a GREAT book. Going "crazy" after a family split is a common feeling. But, we CAN return to a better place. The book is available at
www.amazon.com . I highly recommend it!
Another thing is to go to 12 Step meetings. You can go to AlAnon, or ACOA meetings if there are any around you. Getting a sponsor to work the 12 Steps with you willl be very helpful in finding your serenity.
Remember, you didn't cause this; you can't control what they do; and you can't cure them. But, you CAN find a place where you are safe; where you belong; where you are loved. It sounds like you have that with your husband. So, you can begin your journey by being grateful for the things you have.
I'm sorry you've been made a scapegoat for being born. And your siblings and their spouses have learned how to treat you from your parents. Remember, when you change, so will they. They will have no choice. You will be a different person. Begin by shedding that scapegoat label. Don't own what is not yours to own. That means, THEIR behavior. You only own your own.
Finally, I'm glad you're getting therapy. That should be very helpful for you. You might want to look into spiritual guidance too? I don't know if you're religious, but, my Rabbi is a wonderful source of support for me. I'm very lucky to have him in my life!
So, you have the forums here; a 12 step program; the book,
Healing From Family Rifts; your therapy and possible spiritual guidance to help you on this journey of recovery. Along with your very supportive husband.
Sounds like a great support system to me. You will still have some hard work to do; some difficult times to face. But, with such a loving support system to help you along the path, you can find your place; you can acheive serenity - with or without your family of origen. That decision can wait until you have a better sense of where you're at and what you want.
You don't HAVE to become your own mother to your children. And reaching out to your counselor, to your husband and here, you've taken the first steps to avoid that future. I do NOT believe in predestination. We HAVE choices, and we are responsible for them. You've made some great choices to avoid that fate.
Give yourself a good pat on the back for that!
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!