Jennybear...
First, let me say welcome to SR. I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain, but I know I'd feel the same if I were in your situation. I honor you for the courage you've shown in opening up and letting us inside the darkness of your family sitaution. Sharing a problem with compassionate people helps to dissipate it...
Having been raised around alcoholism, I can certainly understand the crazy feelings that come with that particular territory. Being the family scapegoat is a horrible role to play, and often one that we're given little choice about assuming. A primary symptom of the disease of alcoholism is denial, and creating scapegoats is a way for the alcoholics to defend their denial.
It sounds like you know that, despite what they say about you and how you live your life, they are the ones who are truly sick. That doesn't make things any easier, but hopefully it helps keep things in perspective.
If you've never been, you might consider trying an
Al-Anon meeting. That's what has helped me recover from the damage caused by living with the toxic effects of alcoholism in my own life.
I hope you stick around. You'll probably find quite a bit of support here. If you haven't already, check out the "Friends and Families" forum as well.
I wish you peace...