Yep. Self sabotage is definitely something that I can relate to. Physically I hold my tension between my shoulder blades. I'm always stretching when I'm tense.
I literally started each hour of the day today with a short prayer. I just needed to get through that hour. With no anger, no almost tears and no stuffing my face. I made it! I do the SMART recovery for the ED and the relationship stuff. But, when I went to the VA center for a check up, the doc signed me up for a program called MOVE. It's to help vets with ED, nutrition counseling, therapy and exercise and all things weight management.! The group meeting is on my day off in the morning so I don't have to miss it! Love free help!
The more I think about where I might be right now if I hadn't had this experience, the more accepting I am of it. Don't know that I can say grateful, but I do see it as something that God is using to heal me. I do want to meet a nice non fixer upper guy and just relax in a relationship that I can expect to receive in and not just give. I just want to be ready when that happens