I'm working steadily. Im just having one of those days. I am a touch resentful, though trust me I've let go of much of it. I resent the fact that we don't have the option of retreat. I resent that when the so called counsellors want to help family it's never about the family.. I resent this so called spirituality that just lets them move on guilt free with no more explination than its time to move on. His higher power signs off on some serious bs that's for sure! I hate the inherent self absorbed selfishness of addiction and early recovery that can both be summed up as "hey, support system! Go to hell, I'm doing what I want and need to for me and that's all that counts".
That said, I do a lot of work on myself. I refuse to be a bitter Betty, but I'm not going to blow this off because he's better and that's all the really matters. Believe it or not I wish him well and actually feel a little sorry for new girl though she's no stable mable either. I resent the ass off of his mother who is no more than a puppet roping in girls with this sick syrup as long as her sick sons are happy and being completely non communicative when the girls are gone. I am scared to death for my friend J who has broken out in hives she's so stressed with this family and now they are pushing new girl on her to be besties so she won't be around me so much! After all "they are going to be sisters!" And the ex is not comfortable with me being friends with her so says enabling mom. It's allllll about them!
I am working on myself daily and I am angry that I let myself get involved with these sick horrible people. I am angry that I come home alone and hate it, but am way too hurt still to consider letting anyone back through the door. Not so the great rehab wonders! 5 months locked up with a flipping junkie girl and you can be healed and sane enough to plan a family! I. Just. Can't. What sweet oblivion insanity must be some days.
I would tell him this, he's the one that needs to hear this not you guys, though I'm grateful for the feed back and I never take it wrong. but what would be the point of even attempting to tell him. I'd get no answer. Not even the most basic reply. I only would ever hear from him if he needed something and he doesn't now. He still has a "hard time with uncomfortable situations." Well who doesn't?! Like I said. Don't mind me, just one of those days