Well, I did become as sick as my RAH during the height of "our" insanity. Regardless of what he did or didn't do, I always had the ability to create change. I was too often caught up in the day-to-day aspects of it all & never taking enough distance to see the bigger picture.
I've always found it funny that while addicts often shy away from rehab most of us Codies would sign up in a heartbeat, diving into therapy grateful to be free of the distractions that often impede the process of recovery. One of life's great ironies, eh?
Sooooooo.... my gently-asked-with-love-question-for-you
is this: I'm reading a lot of resentments in your posts most of the time, which is totally understandable. Are you actively working through them? You seem so focused on him but I don't hear a lot about YOU. How is YOUR recovery going? What breakthroughs are you making or where are you feeling stuck? (Obviously, I realize that there may be way more going on than what you've chosen to share here with us at SR.)
When you start lumping all alcoholics together like this:
And once their head is "clear" they will walk away because we were just part of the old life that they don't want to be reminded of or they will stick around while we wait longer maybe to never have a partner capable of a real relationship.
I hear a lot of anger. And, for the record, it's not true for EVERY addict which I am sure you can see just from the shares here at in this forum by many of our double winners. Just like I hate seeing us "Codies" or F&F members all lumped together in a definition, it makes my skin crawl to hear our qualifiers get the same treatment. There are definite similarities in addiction, a certain predictability to the progression of the disease but rarely does an absolute "always" or "never" apply to the individual.
I really do mean this in a supportive way, I hope my observations don't offend you!
