it's often been said that we who love addicts become as sick, if not more so than they are. I don't totally agree with that in all cases, but what is true is that we become exhausted, drained of mental, physical and emotional energy. The addicts leave behind a trail of destruction no matter if it's financial or emotional.
We remain. We have the houses, the kids, the jobs, the bills. We are handed the bs "family" counseling that doesn't have a thing to do with anyone in the family but the addict. And once their head is "clear" they will walk away because we were just part of the old life that they don't want to be reminded of or they will stick around while we wait longer maybe to never have a partner capable of a real relationship.
I would love to spend the next three days in bed like my ex used to do when he needed a break or just couldn't deal with people. I'd love to have everything paid for almost a dam year while I worked on my "sobriety". I would go to meetings, get fed and get a new job so that I didn't have to deal with food. He can never go back to restaurants because they have bars, yet I take my ED into a kitchen everyday. It sucks!!!! Maybe I could meet a nice guy recovering from an ED! Isn't that how's it's supposed to work? Only he could "really" understand me? Then I'll just come home with my new guy and dump everyone who was there for me and act really sanctimonious about my new spirituality. And you'd better be happy for me and not point out any thing that is obviously bat crap crazy or expect me to think of anything that you might need because MY (oh, hell fill in the blank) comes first or you're just a crazy Codie! Just get over it!!
But. Alas. Society does not recognize our disease might warrant intense in house support. Maybe if it did, this group would be much smaller. We must heal, while we deal. That is our lot. The sad part is, we are the strong ones.
