Originally Posted by
Serper2014 
Ok so it's only day 3, and yeah I
I don't REALLY want anything bad to happen. I just want the chance that it could.... otherwise life is boring... I don't feel alive without these risks..... I Don't really want to fall to my death... I just want to ride the rollercoaster and feel scared.... and I'm sitting here sober envying all the times I "escaped" or that I was "lucky".... am I alone? does anyone else feel like this? Or do most of you relapse because you just want to feel drunk...? I feel like I'm going insane...
Yes, I can identify with you. Sometimes I even miss having a hangover, trying to figure out how I am going to get through the day, how I will avoid my boss, lie about my whereabouts, etc. I miss the drama and the urgency. It's not that I really want to feel ill or possibly get fired, I just miss the drama. The truth is though, when I actually went through all those things, there was no excitement or glamor about it, it was just nervewracking and unpleasant.