Originally Posted by
justbeachy 
I went NC with my mom a month ago, then she began texting my 12 year old trying to get invited to her upcoming birthday. I had to text her to ask her to stop putting my daughter in the middle. I then told her that I was protecting my family from her drug/alcohol use and I thought I was doing what is best for everyone by letting go so she can live in her own way. I felt OK about the way I handled it, but afterward my therapist said I might have told her how much I love her and that it's too hard watching her hurt herself. Now I'm second guessing my words and wondering if I should contact my mother again or just let it be. Also, I miss her a lot and know that we would have a relationship if I talk to her, but she has said she is not going to get help and we may end up in this same place in the future. I have very few people in my life and feel lonely without her. Any words of wisdom?
I really admire the way you handled it actually. Not that I’m an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but your response appears to me to be the epitome of well managed, well thought out, healthy and truthful, lacking what I regard the emotional blackmail, or guilt and shaming language that your therapist suggested.
There was as thread here recently on 'triangulating' i.e. dragging others into the frey. It's not healthy and it can be harmful to children.
...really, I think you responded well.
If my therapist had said what your therapist had said, I would not have been happy with my therapist. I'd have been unhappy because I would have felt shamed too i.e. not good enough, in this case for the way I handled a sitiuation.
I would have been unhappy because it would minimise the way I felt at the time that I said what I said. I normally say what is most appropriate at the time instinctively. With hindsight it is always very easy to criticise myself for what I 'could-a/would-a/should-a’ said or done. That’s how the world spins!
“Also, I miss her a lot and know that we would have a relationship if I talk to her,”
Not talking is not so great for a relationship if its a contact you want; but neither is not listening. My experience of drunk people, including myself when I was drunk, drunk people don’t really listen. Alcoholics are incapable of having a meaning relationship with another human being…. Or at least this one was until I found recovery! Of course, I didn’t know that at the time.
“I have very few people in my life and feel lonely without her. Any words of wisdom?”
I came to realise that my feeling of loneliness was not mine after all, it was some other dysfunction passed on. Having said that I take steps to avoid feeling lonely, mostly that’s been an inside job, but I like people and I try to surround myself with healthy people, or at least people who are trying to get healthy.