I will be a year sober this month and I still often miss all the drama and mayhem in my life. It made me frantic for a long time and I couldn't stand not living on a knifes edge. Not only with alcohol but relationships and I enjoyed the risk taking as well. It's taken me a long time to get comfortable on some level with being "bored" or "boring" at times. For me I just had to go through it for a period of time, I actively went to Therapy, AA and other recovery programs. I kept a strict sleep hygiene. I got back into shape and reconnected with family and changed my environment. It as been a process, but that urge to self destruct is becoming softer and softer. Now I feel that going through that same cycle of self destruct and then self loathing made me predictable and boring. Life is far less predictable sober but that often is a good thing.