Idk Noinsanity.... I don't think it's necessarily that the alcoholic doesn't love or have feelings.... I think they feel it. And then they numb it all out with alcohol... inevitably worsening their pain as time goes on they continue to drink.
"A normal person might quit a certain behavior if they really did love you....." I just don't see it that way. I do however believe that the need to have a drink is just way more important..... I have read countless posts from alcoholics about all the shame and guilt they feel for having done things to those who love them. Others can't even remember because they were in a black-out drunken stupor. The fact is, the active alcoholic cannot see any of it for what it really is, and quite frankly, they don't want to. The truth is scary. It would mean they actually have to deal with themselves and all the creepy emotions they feel.
Anyway, all this means is that you don't have to take it personally. It IS terribly frustrating! But again, all we can do is choose how to remove ourselves from the behaviors of others that we have no control over.
And, I miss my xabf most days as well. It is a funny thing dealing with an addict... we have all sorts of jumbled memories from the best ever to the most horrific ever. And somehow, we either sit and idealize them and deny, or we get upset and over-react, and never really seem to land somewhere in the middle where reality is reality....