Hi Rick,
Wow! Thank you so much for opening up about your story, that was intense to read.
Anyways, I, like you, always wondered what it was like to be loved by someone, as I had never had that in my life. I found that love five years ago, and now I am coping with that love also being a functional alcoholic.
I hope you find whatever support you are looking for. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. I hope you can eventually heal from this "bad thing" that happened to you. Good luck and God bless!!!