Hi Rick.
I really hope you'll stick around here and keep talking. We're here and listening and You've already got a good start by opening up on this thread.
When I found this community I was broken and hopeless and suicidal. I had shut myself off from the world and couldn't face anything. One of the first things I did was join a class here and it made all the difference for me. I forged friendships with people and it helped me begin trusting people again. I highly recommend it.
I'm saying this because I want you to know that things can change for the better. I have hope today that I didn't have 6 months ago. I really hope you will continue to pursue some sort of counseling outside the VA. A lot of places will work on a sliding scale payment system and will give reduced rates for veterans. It's worth checking into.