How alone do you feel?
I can't say I've ever felt more alone in my life than I do now, although that would be a lie. I can't say I've ever felt not alone. I was emotionally abused by my parents my entire childhood and I don't know what its like to have a support structure or people that love you.
I joined the USAF after high school to get away from my family who made me feel like I was nothing. After 2 deployments the drinking set in. The USAF abandoned me after a drinking incident.
I decided to try out school, which I'm still in. 3.5 GPA and 2 more semesters to go. But, I'm 26 and lie to everyone about my age to fit in. I told one person my age and they acted weird to me the rest of the time so now I lie. I work a minimum wage job, b/c without a degree there is nothing else I can do.
In between all this, I've had multiple relationships and been cheated on 4 times while I gave them everything and my heart.
I've given my friends everything too. I told 4 of my friends I was thinking about killing myself a few months ago. None of them came to see me.
I saw a psychiatrist at the VA. He told me there was nothing wrong with me and that I just hadn't found the meaning of life.
I saw a social worker at the VA after that and she told me that this just might be how I am meant to feel my entire life. I told her I would kill myself if that was the case. She suggested I do yoga.
Just feel alone.