I grew up so poor and the house was bereft of any decoration, kindness or love of any kind. I took this as completely normal. When I saw other families on tv or in person I just knew that when I wasn't there they were all beating their children in private and being horrible people. I also assumed that hardly anyone had enough money to decorate or have nice things. This includes my extended family and generationally. Imagine my surprise when I watch shows now as a very mature adult and realize that, no, it was just my family and that indeed some other families were in fact happy and loving. It just blows my mind to imagine what my family could have been like if they had not been alcoholics. That there were some nice people in the world. I guess it's a survival tool to think everyone is bad so I didn't envy thus making myself more miserable. I don't go there very often but it hits me out of the blue when I see a similar family situation that is happy instead of mine.