AlcSis

Hi, new to posting. Long Time Lurker.

I am asking for some very objective opinions. I truly need help.

I have a sister who I am fairly certain is alcoholic. Our father was an alcoholic. When my sister drinks she becomes mean and loud. I have a physical disability and she has been mean and mocking to me when drinking. I have seen her get mean with others when drinking.

I moved away from her and her husband many years ago. Now they are going through a divorce.

She says she is not drinking now. But she suffers from severe depression. Refuses to take antidepressants because they bother her stomach. Again, she says she is not drinking now.

She wants to come and live with me for 2 months; (the maximum amount of days the complex I live, in allows guests), after the divorce is final and home is sold. She asks to stay with me until she finds a place to live. Which will not be easy based on her income and cash she will have (really won't have), after the divorce. They have very little equity in their home.

The thing is, that I originally I told her she could stay with me for 2 months. But now, as she is progressing through the divorce, I find myself getting ill. My autoimmune illness is exacerbating greatly -just listening to her as she tells her problems.

I am worried she may start drinking again after living with me. I have a small 2 bedroom apartment. And that she could become abusive with me. And that I may have difficulty getting her to leave after the 2 months, especially if she can't find a place to live. And bottom line, she is not easy to live with - sober or actively drinking.

I truly believe I need to tell her that she can't come and live with me.

I feel so selfish; but my health is poor; it got better after I moved away from them; but it is going south now , listening to the very sad details of the divorce. Add the stress of worrying about living every day again - walking on egg shells is really getting to me.

I have been to Alanon; unable to get to regular meetings on a regular basis due to my health.

So I am asking for advice here. How do I tell my sis that I can't have her come and stay with me? She has no other family except for one son.

I hate to place the blame on her for my health beginning to fail.
And I hate to bring up the fact that her drinking in the past caused great personality changes and that booze makes her mean. And that although I have forgiven her; I have not forgotten her actions.

Don't think I can call her an alcoholic to her face. Our father was a fall-down drunk (at the end). She has not progressed that far.

Is it wrong for me to protect myself from the day to day worries having a (possible) alcoholic sister living with me?

I have much to lose; my health, sanity and possibly my living situation - which is comfortable, not fancy, but comes with many restrictions. I would hate to have my sense of peace and secured living situation jeopardized by a sister that could go out of control at any time.

My gain? Knowing that she feels secure in having a place to go to temporarily until she finds her own place. Knowing or (hopefully knowing) that she won't get so depressed (because she has a place to go to) and possibly do something terrible and terminal to herself. Yes, she has attempted a couple of times and mentions this once in a while.

She has one son who lives in a tiny apartment. Living with him would greatly impact him and his lifestyle. But he is healthy and young. I am not healthy and not young. She doesn't want to "bother" him. He is just getting his life on track. Is it wrong for me to try to give the responsibility to her son? I love him; but; what about me? I love my sister, but not the way her life has turned out.....

Yikes. Help.

Thanks for listening.