And tolerence for pain? I think I have a very high tolerence for emotional pain and a very low tolerence for physical pain. Can anyone else relate to that?
In the past I had the pain physically, and the doctors of coarse gave me the licence to to use. LOL And the physical withdawl kept me out there getting just one more so I didn't have to suffer. My emotional pain lessons as I venture further into this way of life, it creeps back when I don't practice the Spiritual Principles I have learned to practice daily though.
As I continue to live this way of life all those things I "Forgot" how to do are coming back, and I am enjoying life again, I can feel others pain, I can play with my kids again, I can feel my emotions on a real level, that is all a real joy for me today. Some of them I didn't forget tohow to, They just became a real pain in the A$$ and too much time and effort so I shut them out.
While using, we lived in another world. We experienced only periodic jolts of reality or self-awareness. It seemed we were at last two people instead of one, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We ran around trying to get our lives together before our next run. Sometimes we could do this very well, but later, it was less important and more impossible. In the end, Dr. Jekyll died and Mr. Hyde took over.
This was me through and through. Walking out of the detox at 6 days clean I felt the transformation back to Dr. Jeckle and mister Hyde was put some where and I didn't ask any question, I was volnerable again and I had work ahead of me to become the man I wanted to be.
We all have different tolerances for pain. Some addicts needed to go to greater extremes than others. Some of us found we had had enough when we realized that we were getting high too often and it was affecting our daily lives.
It is a great relief to me that I do not have to go to the great extremes today to get the point of insanity I am causing myself today. That "Don't do it again" keeps me moving on to better things in my life.
Peace,
Todd J.