Originally Posted by
zenchaser 
How did you come to a place where you accepted that you could never ever drink again?
AA didn't work for me the way it works for most. At least in the beginning. I realized many years after getting sober, that getting sober wasn't really my intent. I just wanted to stop hurting, and I was convinced that the only way to do that was by putting down the drink. And then accepting the program of recovery that AA had to offer.
The first step was something I couldn't swallow however. My life was unmanageable, without a doubt, but I didn't want to quit for life, and I just couldn't bring myself to believe I was powerless over an inanimate object. It didn't make sense to me.
What did, fortunately, make sense to be was the 3rd step. I believed in a HP so I immediately began praying and begging to it. I listened closely to what people were saying at meetings regarding the 3rd step and I did all I could to apply the things they said to my life.
I lived my first year a day at time, stating many times that I'll drink tomorrow if I still feel as I do today. At a certain point, I turned that into I'll drink after a year. I never picked up. I got into all the steps, and had a lot of experiences along the way that cemented my sobriety into place.
What I'm basically saying is, if you're struggling with the first step don't knock yourself out. Jump to the third and start doing your best to incorporate that into your life. I believe it's impossible to work a thorough 3rd step, and continue drinking.
I detailed my 1st step experience in my blog, "If only she knew". If you have the time you might want to give it a read.