Thanks everyone for your poignant responses.
After my sober month, I decided to start drinking lower percentage beers. However, I am drinking far more beers overall than I was in the past. My thought process was that I would drink fewer beers at a lower ABV and be a normal drinker again. Instead, I am drinking twice as many beers, not really feeling it as much, and still having that same regret and unnecessarily drinking 1200-1400 calories a day that are of zero value to my body.
I keep saying June 1 is my new sober day, seems a convenient date and allows me a weekend to have a few more beers before saying goodbye. Almost like a date with a soon-to-be-ex. I know this is an insane thought, but I don't feel like I can just say no right this second without planning on a date in the future. Always a problem for me.
Overall, I would say that I am full of insane thoughts in regards to drinking. I know I shouldn't drink at all, I know what it does to me, I know all the reasons not to, and yet I drink anyway... What a terrible way to go through life.
Wish me luck this time around. I am extremely confident that this time, for real, I will give this up completely and with the support of all y'all
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