I'm sorry, Lucy.
Going after what is right with the intent to win is not being antagonistic.
I understand your fears of rocking the already unstable boat. This just isn't the time to try and calm the waters I don't think. I agree on upping your lawyer to someone with more, umm, determination (nards).
My brother picked a lawyer because he thought he was a helluva nice dude (much like my bro.) My brother also got SCREWED in the the divorce. As far as the big eggshells, you've been walking on them long enough. Dance an Irish jig on them til they break down into dust and blow away with the wind.
Good luck, keep a level head, keep gathering info, keep being honest, and don't future trip too much. Sending you peace!