Blue define better - because I have been clean now 5 months - am I better? Well I'm still a heroin addict and always will be. I'm just not using. I'm an addict full stop. It needs planning, discipline, hard work and a lot of the time miserable as sin as your brain gets back to normal. I'm single by choice because I couldn't impose this reality on someone else - it isn't fair on either of us. What if he gets clean and in the future you want to finish it - he says he can't handle it and will use. Just because he might not be using at some point soon doesn't mean it's whistling Dixie time. He'll have to ultimately try and face up to what he's running from/scared of that makes him need to take drugs because real life and real emotions and feelings seem too much to bare.
My use spiralled after a really hard break up with a girl I loved completely & utterly - recreational use (admittedly getting worse) went off the charts and spiralled as i couldn't face my emotions so embraced heroin completely and utterly. It took the pain away, numbed me, but I resolved nothing and basically wasted 2 more years of my life at least. When I'd split before with gf's I wouldn't even drink much (I was flat out drunk through my 20s till mid 30s) as I knew I'd get emotional and I knew drinking into a stupor wouldn't help. I wouldn't take E's as I knew the comedown would be horrific and coke would make me anxious and paranoid. But meth and heroin crack etc the addiction factor is high, you don't think normally when you using drugs like these.
I became a heroin addict ultimately because it allowed me to opt out of the human condition & just focus on addiction. Which makes you very single minded. I couldn't face the pain of life and my feelings so self medicated. Still got all that ahead of me blue so please be aware that this will hand over you as long as you together and your bf for life. Accepting that fact is also bloody difficult. That you've messed up to such an extent that you've given control of your destiny to a drug - have finally got control back but that that fight is something you have to face every day.
I bumped into an old smack head buddy the other day, he ranting like a loony at me so I knew he'd got on. I wasn't tempted at all but I always have to remain vigilant as one day I might be. It's a burden to carry round with you and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't.
If you are sure this is the life you want, bearing in mind addiction gets worse not better, then good luck. But make sure you really think it through. God bless X