So, I've spent my last money to keep me going for today.
Tomorrow I will be out of food.
My ex was planning to stop by on weekend, and bring me some of "humanitarian supplies" as I call it in a bitter joke. But there are still 2 days till weekend.
The most weird thing is that I don't feel scared. I feel like I've "come to terms" with this. I don't want to fight even for getting food for myself. I've put up with living on the poverty line, and don't feel offended by this.
And this is that weak-willed surrender (surrender in negative connotation) to "being doomed to poverty" that troubles me most. My mindset blocks my actions so ruthlessly, that at can't see the way how to change it.
I've made mistakes. It's all my fault. So I deserve it. So...
I feel like just on staying in bed and sleeping all day long.
I don't feel pity for myself - because it wont' be true. I just don't understand what's going on.