We all have our stumbling blocks AF.
I don't think you shouldn't have posted on here - but I do wish you'd posted about your feelings before you drank on them. Someone may have been able to help you work through them and stave off that AV.
Please post sooner rather than later if you feel that way again.
Hope things are improving in your area. (It'll probably be all over the UK news once it's finished and everything's okay, but not seen anything yet).