Alright, so checking in, had a great weekend.
Went to my first SMART meeting today. I thought it for me perfectly. I finally actually saw myself in other people facing the problems. I learned something from it, the idea that there are triggers I can't control from happening, and these triggers lead me to the behavior in issue here because of what I believe about said triggers and their solution. I say stress from work is a huge trigger. I have a ****** day at work where I'm yelled at, called every name you know, hell, even threatened. My belief is that the only way to cope with it is to drink, that I deserve the drink, that I can't handle it anymore which leads to nights of heavy heavy drinking. But the beliefs are just that, a belief and beliefs can be changed.
I really liked the group and I will be returning.