Acceptance...
So I was having a good day. I went to college, made my homework (I'm finishing the semester, so this days I've been spending a lot of time at school) went to run and came back to take a shower and I'm now here.
At this time of the day I would usually be hanging out with exafb, so I get a little anxious, memories come back and I feel sad.
So, in order to get out of this feeling I wanted to share with you some of the things he did (bad ones).
1. He lied to me about many stuff: lied about having cut ties with his ex girlfriend (he didn't). Lied to me about his drinking (say he wasn't drinking but he was). Lied to me about his loyalty (OK, I don't know if he cheated on me or not, but I have the gut feeling that he did).
2. One time he got angry with me at college. He was supposed to take me home but instead, he left me there. He knew I didn't had my cellphone that day and he knew that he was supposed to take me home (my parents knew this too). So I had to find a way to go back home from college. And when I told him that a friend (male) took me there (btw; this friend has a girlfriend who I'm also friends with) he got angry at me. He claimed he wasn't jealous, but his face told me otherwise. Anyways, it was ridiculuos, since he was the one to left me there knowing I was supposed to go home that day.
3. He once, basically, kicked me out from his car because he wanted to have some space to think about a discussion we had (it was one about me not trusting him enough, and also, about me not communicating my worries to him... He got angry for this and kicked me out).
4. The day I decided to finish things with him (the first time we broke up) he said he wished that I'll go seek professional help cause I was seriously mentally ill and also said "get the **** out from my life*".
5. When I tried to explain why I finished things with him, he insulted me again. I can't even remember what he told me.
6. Right after this, he started pursuing a friend of mine and told everyone lies about me. He even slept with the ex he claimed to have cut ties with.
7. Instead of keep on growing and reflection of what happened with us, he lost his jobs and started drinking daily after I broke up with him. This was more of a self-harming situation, however, at the time, it really made me sad.
Man, do I need to write more? I guess, many of my threads in here are plagued of stuff he said and did...
And I still took him back, wich, well, I am responsible for it, even when I'm hurting now.
At this point, I just want to accept things for what they are.