Thanks for sharing your story Cissy. I know that losing your significant other is very difficult. I went through that about 5 years ago as well.
I hit a rough patch today and it wasn't something that I saw coming. I could make this into a really long story but I will try to keep it brief...My husband casually mentioned that his friends asked him to go to the bar to watch baseball and have a few beers. He wasn't asking if he could go exactly but it did start a long (anxiety filled) conversation about drinking, his and mine, and the problems that it causes. I told him that if I did drink, then it wouldn't be a problem today because the first time back never causes problems. I almost caved, I almost did it. But I thought about it and told him to go without me because I wasn't going to let my alcoholic brain run my life. I didn't want to feel the pain tomorrow for having fun today and because I couldn't emotionally handle disappointing my daughter. And I know that if I get through it once without problems it doesn't mean anything because it will escalate and escalate week after week until it is a problem again. So I said I would stay home and it was alright for him to go. It was the most grown up way that I have ever handled any situation. And do you know what he did? He stayed home with me because he didn't want me to be distressed about it! That was the most grown up way he ever handled that kind of situation! I guess we are both learning something this time around.
I have dinner plans on Wednesday with a sober AA friend so I told him that would be a good night for him to go watch baseball at the bar. Compromise is an amazing thing. It's sad that sometimes we have to go through so much to get to that point.
I learned today that I can say no when I am given the opportunity to drink. It didn't make me very happy at the moment I said no but happy or not, I knew it was the right thing to do. That was a huge breakthrough for me.