Originally Posted by
autumn4 
Greetings to the readers on this thread.
I just thought I would put this question out there ..although I know it has been done many times before. I am a mid life woman who is somewhat reserved, quiet, gentle. I have been struggling with AA for years and find it quite cliquey ..AA seems to have the opposite effect on me making me feel more isolated & even despairing after the meetings, as I don't seem to talk their lingo. In fact my cousin who has been in AA for 20 years said that she couldnt talk to me about sobriety as I dont talk the AA language!
My father was an AA old timer who didnt "walk his talk" staying emotionally abusive & unrepentent for his violent actions until his death. I think I have my low grade childhood PTSD activated from the meetings as I find the people there harsh (no offense to anyone)
I have been going to meetings on & off for 15 years and have not been able to connect there.( I do have friends out of the meetings) ..I just dont like hearing the drunk stories and the fact that some peoples whole lives never move on to a new identity from calling themselves an "alcoholic". In fact just thinking about it makes me feel stuck & hopeless. I see myself as having a genetic allergy to alcohol with an ocd disorder
which keeps this problem alive.
I guess I feel weak , scared & brainwashed that AA really is the only way!!!
P.S I have been 13 stepped more than once and screamed at by a sponsor for not calling her on time so maybe that contributes to these feelings. I have not overdrunk for 3 years now & completely abstinent for 13 months .
I don't talk the AA language, never have and I've been attending AA meetings for 50 years. Water seeks its own level, so over the years occasionally I've met AA fellowship members where we're on the same page.
AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Some of the AA fellowship members that talk AA language have transferred their addiction from alcohol to AA meetings. They work the AA fellowship and not the suggested recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alano Clubs are full of these types.
As an AA fellowship member, I'm not a follower or a leader, I'm a solo affair. I'm not anymore concerned with whom I carry the recovery message to than who I don't. This approach to carrying the message is first person singular sharing which is suggested in the AA textbook, Chapter 7, Working With Others. The "WE's" and the "You's" and the "US's" i.e. giving advice usually doesn't work and sometimes it's toxic, as evidence by some AA fellowship meetings. These meetings c don't follow the suggestions in Chapter 7. Either others relate to me or they don't and I don't waste my time with those that don't relate.