I have some trauma relating to inappropriate exposure to certain situations when I was young and my mother was getting sober in AA. Was this a reflection on AA? No, but the fact that my mind has a hard time distinguishing the difference means that it is understandable that I have a whole set of special circumstances relating to my own experiences in the rooms as opposed to being the daughter of an old timer. My mother put me into situations that weren't appropriate when she was getting sober, her track record with boundaries isn't great, and my feelings about AA are all mixed up because of it. But rather than banging my head against a wall, I decided that I needed to find my own way.
As AA has been around for about two generations it makes sense that this issue is beginning to surface more and more with our generation. I was relieved when I first got here and found others like Jennie who identified with my special circumstances. To be an alcoholic in need of recovery myself, with a pre-existing history with a specific recovery method like AA is something that can't just be ignored if it is getting in your way.
There are a number of people here that I respect greatly who are thriving members of AA. In some ways I wish I was able to show up on the doorstep of AA as a newcomer when I needed it, but that wasn't the case. I had a therapist who dismissed my background, and continued to insist that there was only one way to get sober. Sadly, this created more stress for me because it reawakened the lectures I suffered from a mentally unstable yet sober mother that I endured growing up.
Thankfully, SR gave me a much broader perspective and assured me that there is no one way nor one right way to get sober. Heath 48, I do think that as we children of alcoholics who got sober in AA come of age, we are bringing a unique perspective to our own recovery. In some ways I feel I had an advantage because I really did believe in the progressive nature of alcoholism, and I would credit my upbringing under an old timer for that. But as I am sure you can understand, any childhood in an alcoholic household is complicated. Like Jennie, I was able to carve out sobriety that did not include AA. Perhaps if it had been my only option I would have been forced to wade through the trauma, but for me it was better to find alternative methods that allowed me to get sober without having to reopen that wound.
Autumn, I found that just by finding a few others here who had a similar perspective helped me feel less alone in having my background. And I understand having grown up in a household where I was told that there was only one right way, it was a big struggle for me to listen to myself and not my mother's voice from years ago. My mother is one of the few people in my family that I have not told I am sober, nor will I. I respect that her way worked for her, and I know she is limited in her ability to believe that there is any other way to get sober. So I don't go there with her, and I believe we are both better off for it.
Autumn, SR is a great resource to find support and there are many of us who utilize a whole host of measures. I am sober and I am really content and happy, and I am only that way because I decided to listen to my own heart and not some old voice in my head.