Well baby boy is here! He is just perfect and my husband and I are really in love with our little family.
Meanwhile my AM is MIA emotionally, and has not come to meet him yet. She texts occasionally asking how we are doing but then doesn't respond when I ask how she is or if she knows whenshe will be back in town (she is staying with her out of state bf at the moment, running away from her last episode here in my opinion). I am struggling, perhaps partially due to hormones, with detaching. I feel like texting her confronting the fact that she doesn't respond to my question of how she's doing, but I know that would serve neither of us.
I am feeling grief that she is so unavailable, that I can't trust her. I am annoyed by how unpredictable her behavior is (predictably unpredictable, the come here-go away thing she does). I don't know if she will stay away or suddenly reappear wanting to be a part of our lives. My husband expressed that he doesnt want her spending any unsupervised time with the baby at all and doesn't want me and baby riding in the car with her. I agree frankly but don't know if I should bring up these boundaries with her now or wait to see if she even attempts to be close to us when(if) she returns.
Trying not to ruminate and give her my brain space but it is hard when everyone says "oh your mom must be so happy!" But she is just not even present.
Thanks for letting me vent here, SR.