Since moving, my son and I have had a "off and on" relationship. He has had periods of being clean and periods of "deep into" his addiction. The past 9 months have been the worst. He has been in and out of jail and I just do not see any signs of him wanting to change. Many black out periods when we do not communicate at all. As of today, I have no idea if he is alive or even where he is.
But, the distance keeps me from seeking him out. As you stated, I have been the "puppet" in his show. Like Seren, I was going to suggest that perhaps you could move somewhere else within the same town?? That way you are not completely uprooting your life, but would feel safe.